Worse than snakes on a plane...

...it's the drunk on the train!

I was going to moan about lateness, and no air on on today's service, but the sun is shining and I'd rather tell a more humorous tale. And FGW dontngive a flying fig what anyone says anyway ;-)

As some will know I got a late train home last night, and one of the joys of travelling at that time is observing fellow travellers, especially those who have obviously had a good time.

As the train was only minutes from Reading a man carrying a can of Stella Artois (other premium lagers are available) pushed through the standing crowd (even at that time the train was over crowded, but I'll leave that alone) anying with a slurred Wiltshire accent "'shcuse me I need to...erm...sit...down...I've been told I musht sit down..." As we were only 5 minutes from Reading a gentleman across the way stood and said, here have this seat by the window, I'm getting off in a minute. The drunk sat down..."thanksh mate, would you like shum beer," and preferred his can. What a nice chap I thought, though the man beside him quickly declined. "Are you sure, it's really good beer," to which the passenger replied, "I don't drink." "Really", said the drunk,"that's just weird...but each to their own." He then began mumbling to himself "I have to stay sitting, got to get to Swindon, they've told me to sit down."

In the mean time two older gentlemen behind in the seats behind him were discussing gun dogs, particularly gun ,dogs, and the merits of springer v cocker spaniels. The more senior tweedie said, "I've found a great breederin Kintbury near Hungerford," in an almost lazy posh drawl. Suddenly the drunk snapped to attention and turned to the gents, saluted and said "thatsh Gods country that is....share a drink with me" and thrust the can forward. No words were needed in what I felt was withering refusal of a lovely fraternal offer from the drunk. The passenger beside meanwhile decided he'd stand for the final 3 minutes to Reading. The drunk seemed stunned by the response to his generous offer and sat down, continuing his muttering "told to sit down, must get to Swindon," like it had become his mantra.

We pulled into Reading, Swindon was still 2 stops away. The drunk seemed to be nodding off. As I exited the train I heard a voice behind me, "was told to sit down, must get to Swindon." I turned to see the drunk had roused himself and Stella can in hand was behind me on the platform. I had to intervene. "you do know that's the Swindon train don't you?" I asked. "I needsh platform 1, Bedwyn train" he replied. "I'm sorry but I thought I heard you say you wanted Swindon", "I do want Shwindon" he responded, "Well this train is the quicker way there," I said doing my best for the obviously confused fellow. He downed what remained of his can, through it in the bin and marched off towards Platform 1, "been told to sit down, need Swindon train" he muttered. I tried once more to hail him but realised he was focused on his mantra, and misguidedly on getting to platform 1.

I do hope he got back to Swindon ok....albeit eventually.